That Stick-in-the-Mud Christian

As I visited with an old friend, she began to share stories of drunken nights with friends and the type of shenanigans it often led to.  As she went into detail, my heart began to sink as I became very aware that she was talking to the old me… the one that would have been alongside her in her wild adventures.  When she suggested that I should come sometime and join in on the fun, I was quick to respond with “oh, I couldn’t do that.”  She shot me the look- you know, that look of “wow, you’ve really become a stick in the mud.”  There were few words I could use to help her understand why “I couldn’t do that.”

Backtrack for just a minute:  years prior I had made the responsible choice to go to a Bible college, but it was more of a “fake it ‘til you make it” kind of attempt to follow Christ.  It didn’t take long to feel like I didn’t belong.  While other students were studying their Bible to learn about God’s character, I was studying it so I wouldn’t fail my Bible class.  They couldn’t wait to go see a movie, I couldn’t wait to smoke lots of cigarettes.  They were good.  I was not…that.  I barely survived a semester of fakin’ it.

So at what point did I go from being too bad to go to a Christian school to being that “stick in the mud” kind of Christian?  I’ll tell you where:  somewhere in between there when I experienced rock bottom.  Somewhere in there when I became a single mom.  Somewhere in there when I chased after happiness and found emptiness.  Seeking fulfillment from others who could only offer me brokenness, and to whom I offered brokenness in exchange.  Somewhere in there.       

So when I say “I couldn’t do that” I mean “I can’t go back.”  And while it may be fun at the time, it’s an awareness of what’s likely to cause me to fall into that cycle of brokenness and trying to steer clear of it… because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that the devil is a respecter of none.  Turns out he doesn’t respect the boundaries of my marriage.  He doesn’t respect my role as a mother, nor does he respect God’s calling on my life.  But he will always be ready to entice, ready to exchange what God has redeemed for his brokenness.  And if I give sin an inch, I know it’ll take a mile.  And reclaiming a mile with a hangover?  Worst walk of shame ever.

So can I just encourage you for a moment?  If you’re feeling like you’re beyond God’s reach; like you’re the bad apple He doesn’t see worth keeping?  You couldn’t be more wrong.  I keep hearing people say “Jesus hung out with sinners.”  The truth is that Jesus didn’t go to hang with them, He went to redeem them from the sin that entangled them.  So no matter how broken you may be, know that Jesus died so that you could be redeemed.  He’s loved you at your worst, there’s no need to try and “clean up your act” for Him.

"But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  

Romans 5:8

Your brokenness in exchange for His wholeness.  And when you can experience that kind of love?  The world may not recognize it, but it will be the greatest adventure you’ve ever had.

Father, thank you for seeing something in me that I couldn’t see.  Thank you for exchanging your wholeness for my brokenness, an exchange I don’t deserve.  Help me to steer clear of the sin that entangles my feet, and to walk according to your will and your ways.  I love you.  In Jesus’ name, amen.

XO,

Jackie E.