Your Cheatin' Heart

Every time I read the Ten Commandments I kind of use it as a measuring stick.  I think to myself “good there, good there too, mmm could be better on that one.”  However, there is one that I frequently dismiss despite the fact that I have been one of its greatest offenders.  The seventh commandment: You shall not commit adultery (Exodus 20:14).  "Okay, so God doesn’t want us to be cheaters.  Fine, got it." 

Long ago I dated a guy who I knew I wasn’t equally yoked with.  I knew that the Bible warned against this, but I really wanted to date him so I did.  My thoughts leaned towards “he believes in God… kind of” or “I can help him get closer to God” whereas my prayers were “God, please, please, please change his heart and help him to believe.” 

James 4:1-3

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? ² You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. ³ When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

I was living out the “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission” motto.  I didn’t ask God about dating the guy, instead I just begged God to make it right after pursuing my own desires.  The reality was that by living out this motto, I was actually committing adultery.  By cheating on God. 

James 4:4

⁴ You adulterous people,^[a] don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.

After dating him for a short time I had a dream that we had a baby.  The baby was beautiful, innocent, and perfect with exception to one thing:  the newborn infant was conflicted because he had to decide if he wanted to be black or white.  He didn’t know what to choose, trying on both colors to see which better suited him.  When I woke up the next morning the dream was vivid in my mind.  I knew right away that it wasn’t a dream about race.  It was God’s warning about the conflict my children would face should I remain with said boyfriend:  choosing to believe what his dad believed or what I believed.... no in between.       

This probably would’ve been a good time to gracefully exit the relationship, don’t you think?  Instead, I buried the warning pretending I could ignore it.  Which is a funny thing: because when we bury things deep within our heart (good or bad) they tend to grow roots.  I couldn’t shake the dream!  I was at odds with God… an internal battle between choosing God or choosing my own desires.  I tried so hard to have both, but ultimately had to choose only one.  Ending the relationship was messy.  And hard.  And ugly.  It caused a whole lot of hurt and brokenness that never had to happen if only I had been faithful to God.

 

 

If only.  Do you have any of those hiding in your closet?  Obedience to God isn’t just because he wants to measure us, seeing if we can live up to the standard he set.  Obedience to God is so that we can experience the vision and provision HE has for us.  That relationship I chose for myself wasn't God's vision or provision for me.  Friend, we’re not going to find HIS vision and provision in chasing our own desires.  Thankfully the “if only” that might plague your past doesn’t have to plague your future.  He has a new future for you, and his mercies are new every morning…but it does require you to choose only one.

Father, thank you for your Word.  Thank you for being gracious and merciful.  Please forgive me for the times I chose the world and pursuing my own desires over choosing you.  Help me, Father, to always choose you over what the world has to offer, even when it’s hard.  Please give me the wisdom to know, the ears to hears, and the eyes to see your vision and provision for my life.  I love you.  In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

xo,

Jackie E